“I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You’re wonderful but get away from me” -My love letter to carbs
I accidentally took my daughters multi-vitamin this morning. I have been trying to get dressed now for 2 hours but everything makes me look fat.
Life is short. If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them, then a little past them and just keep going it’s probably not worth it. Phew, that was close.∞
So, I lost a good friend at the gym today. We were working out together and while reaching for a weight my hand gently grazed his. There was a long awkward silence followed by a sadness only known to former friends pushed apart by an unfortunate circumstance, a twist of fate if you will. Goodbye my friend, god speed.
Just kidding, we laughed and immediately starting talking about the big Chiefs/Rams game tonight. Gooooo Sports!!!∞
Happy Birthday to my sweet Sommer. The world has never known a prouder dad than me.∞
Sometimes, during the movie previews, I’ll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, “We should really go see that together.”
Fall is finally here, time to break out the head warmer.
Me: She says talking to me is like talking to a kid.
Therapist: And how many years has this been going on?
Me: *holds up 6 fingers* This many
Somebody is ready to get out of bed and go for a walk, and it’s this guy!
Dear 6-year-old me: As an adult you won’t need to know cursive but you will need an ability to type with your thumbs. The future is weird.
Always love spending time with my personal trainer! — feeling pumped at Emery Fit.
I got 99 problems and a winning bracket ain’t one. ∞
I like it when I open a document and my monitor says WORD and I’m like YO.
Bringing an end to #2016 by pretending to sing to Mariah Carey while Mariah Carey pretends to sing to Mariah Carey was kind of silly.