Ok, let’s play a game! I got the letter “P” Something I hate… Pleather. It makes my thighs weep. Something I love… Plastic..think about it. Plastic rules the world. I’m communicating right now with it. It’s water proof. It can be shiny..or not..depending on your needs. Thinking about investing all my money in plastic futures. […]
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
Ok, so I think it’s time we all got something straight. I don’t want to “smell it”. Not your watch band. Not your dinner. Not your dog. Not your hands….for the love of god NOT YOUR HANDS. Not your leather jacket. Not your second hand smoke. Not your puppies breath. Not your coffee breath. Not your bad breath….breath shouldn’t smell. Not your car exhaust. Not your underarms. Not your curry based food. Not your old trash. Not your grandmas old chair. I DON’T WANT TO SMELL IT. A coworker asked me to smell their watchband this morning and before I could react shoved it in my face. I almost threw up. In what world is that remotely acceptable? So, what have we learned this morning? I DON’T WANT TO SMELL IT!!! ∞
Night Sleeping Requirements:
Is the pillow cool enough? Are my legs positioned so they don’t put too much weight on each other? Can I hear anything? Are my arms tucked in nicely and not at any odd angles? Can I stop thinking about the day’s events? Is enough of my body out from under the blanket so that I don’t overheat? Is my alarm set? Is Jennifer Aniston happy? Are my toes safely tucked in to hide them from monsters?
Morning Sleeping Requirements:
Is the surface vaguely horizontal and not entirely made out of hornets?
OH MY GOD! I just realized that football season is over. What will I do on Sunday? WHAT WILL I DO?